#3 Top 10 Power Plays for Women: (STRESS) CONTROL

By Kathy Korman Frey

This post, affectionately known as “Jedi Mind Control for Over Achievers” will first:

1. Scare you, because it turns out stress is  messing up women’s long-life advantage, then,

2. Teach you solutions that work for actual entrepreneurs.

A Brigham and Women’s study on women and stress indicates that control (or lack thereof) is a huge factor increasing stress.  Digging a little deeper, here are three specific things Dr. Tricia McNair explains are eating into womens’ 10 year long-life advantage:

• STRESS (minus two years), health hazards associated with cortisol among other things
• NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP (minus five years)
• LOW SELF ESTEEM (minus five years)

So here’s what to do: Take back control. 

• Happiness (plus nine years)
• Good work life balance (plus 3 years)

Wait, aren’t we just back where we started with people telling us to be happy and have good work life balance? Fret not. Below are a few solid, tested solutions to try on and lower our stress levels before we get on with the world domination plans.

Solutions Used by Real Live Entrepreneurs

Entrepreneurship – Control is of the big reasons we see women flooding into the field of entrepreneurship.  The Commerce Departmentreports that between 1997 and 2007 the number of companies owned by women increased in number at two times the rate of male owned-companies. We now have the skills (majority of masters degrees and PhDs and there is – literally – nothing stopping us).

When personal brand builder Lydia Fernandes had enough with the corporate world, she went out on her own and never looked back.  She seems a lot happier if you ask us! Lydia feature. Read Lydia’s Hot Mommas Project case here.

When semi-retired executive Jane Angelich jumped into entrepreneurship, it gave her something back she had been missing…even doing it on the side…her dreams. Read Jane’s Hot Mommas Project case here.

As a girl growing up in Egypt, many people told Rim “no.” But, Rim had her own priorities. She wanted to be a business owner. She fought for this, overcame stereotypes, and today – is not only a business owner – but a central figure in the women’s democratic movement. Read Rim’s Hot Mommas Project case here.

Negotiation – Women should negotiate  any environment that seriously impacts our lives and careers. Be it for higher pay, more flexible working environments, or help at home – women are famous (or infamous) for “not asking” and promoting ourselves far less than our male colleagues.  (Source: Behavioral scientist Shannon Goodson). What areas impact your life and career? If you don’t know already, Hot Mommas Project research shows it’s where you log the most hours.

When yours truly (Hot Mommas Project founder, Kathy Korman Frey) was in my first job after college, I negotiated a 25 percent salary increase after consulting with a mentor (my father, the managing partner at a large law firm who had been through hundreds of salary negotiations). He told me, “No matter what they say, tell them, ‘I’m disappointed. I was expecting more.”  My raise went from 20 to 25% with that statement alone. Read Kathy’s Hot Mommas Project sample case here.

Time and Location – The top balancers, called “Master Balancers” from a Hot Mommas Project study showed control over time and location of their work greatly improved feelings of career success and satisfaction. So, if you’re wondering what to negotiate on, start there. Don’t overlook the basics. If you are having trouble negotiation, see our upcoming post on the value spreadsheet.

An employee of high-profile event planners Linder and Associates was given the flexibility to commute into work early, and leave early, which produced great results for all involved.

Saying “No” – Whether it’s a task you don’t want to do or a “friendship” which is not safe or healthy, what can you put on “The To Don’t List?” See an article I wrote on this for Maria Shriver’s Women’s Conference site.

Unisys executive Tony Townes Whitely says that when someone asks something of her, she automatically says “when?”  This allows the calendar to be the bad guy.

When Michele Woodward had a long career in the political arena. Saying “no” was not hard. But, it was saying “no” to her marriage which began huge changes in her life. Read Michele’s Hot Mommas Project case  here.

Prioritizing – You have to know to what you want to say no.  So think about that.  What are your top three priorities this week. Are they getting you where you want to be?

Serial entrepreneur Michael Goldstein keeps a list of his top priorities for the week laminated in his wallet to keep himself focused. Talk about accountability!

Quick Exercise: Jedi mind control for over-achievers

1. Stress list. RATE YOUR STRESS (1-10, 10 being the highest) and make a list of the things stressing you out right now. Circle the items which produce a visceral or physical reaction.

2. Stress Solutions.For each of your major stress areas (circled from part 1) write a solution or perspective.

3. Pattern recognition. Observe. Do your stressors fall into a particular category (family, career, relationships).  Is there a certain number which heightens stress for you (e.g., the five car pile-up)?

If you completed the exercise, fill out this poll  

[polldaddy poll=4152789]

For stress modulation, control is key.  Please share your tricks for establishing control, and help other readers in doing so. Make a comment if this post has helped you, or your perspectives could help others. Thank you.

Related posts:

• View all posts in the Power Play series

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