Tookit for Women’s Success: Finding Your Passion (aka Getting Your Groove Back)

The other day, my sister-in-law joked about going back to her maiden name. She said, “Yeah, I really miss her!” It got me thinking more seriously about the person I left behind. If I am being honest, I feel a mixture of progress and sell-out-ishness. Here is a simple three-step process for those of you who may have lost yourself, are finding yourself, or anything in between. This is a mix of my experiences researching bunches of busy women (self included) mixed with skills I teach in my Women’s Entrepreneurial Leadership class at the George Washington University School of Business, Center for Entrepreneurial Excellence.

STEP 1. Inventory the sell-out list.

It’s important to figure out: “Okay, what do I need to work on?” Sometimes we women (and men, hence the presence of Ferrari dealerships) don’t do this, because it seems tiring. For example, I hear the following a lot from tired moms / women / students:

“I am already working so hard, and I don’t have bandwidth for THAT! How am I going to find time for something else?”

Here is the answer: Pain, mixed with mild nausea.

What is your pain-mixed-with-mild-nausea feeling? For me, I am basically sick of selling out. It’s gotten to the point where I need to do something about it. Seriously. I have an almost visceral reaction to watching So You Think You Can Dance. Why? Read on my pretties…

How to get at and LIST what you miss….here is an example:

1. Dance – Back in the day, I joined a start-up dance company managed by a brilliant young choreographer. I really can’t express how much I miss that, and feel kind of like a loser saying as such – which is probably part of the problem.
2. Jewelry/visual arts – I used to make jewelry. It was sold in stores and stuff. I pretty much stopped when things got too busy with marriage and kids. People always used to ask me “did you make that?” They don’t ask that anymore.
3. Theatre/Film – I used to go up to New York every year and see shows on broadway. I really miss that.

STEP 2. Acknowledge Reality

Okay, so now that we’re totally depressed about all the stuff we don’t do anymore, let’s acknowledge reality. There is a REASON, and yes, life can be hard. For me,  my life has changed so much now that I share it with people who:

1. Are into Spongebob, and
2. Have a totally different base of interests orbiting around their little (and big) noggins.

Thus, it’s time to quicky move on from reality, dust off the cerebellum, and get creative.

STEP 3. Re-Entry of “Your Groove”

Alright, this is the fun part.  These are examples of simple steps to re-integrate your former self, interests, desires back into your current life . Here is a sample near-term plan for re-entry includes the following components: Focus area, Goal, Steps, Result, Detail (on steps).

a.Focus area for re-entry: The arts.

b.Goal: Integrate the arts back into my life.

c.Steps: Alert people in my life re: area of focus, and take one small step beyond what I am already doing with one of the three sell-out areas.

d. Result: So far, it’s working via spreading the word and focus/baby steps. I will re-evaluate again in one month.

[[[Start: Mid point directions]]]] So, you’ve thought about the focus area, the goal, the major steps, and the desired result (or result you’ve obtained so far) including plan for re-evaluating. Next – elaborate on the steps you’ll take, are taking, and how it’s going.

Tip: Put the plan in your calendar and send an alert to yourself with the plan a week in advance of your follow up day. So, for example, if I want to follow up on my progress in one month, I’ll send a reminder to myself in Outlook in three weeks with the plan pasted into the “notes” section of the calendar item.

[[End: Mid point directions]]]]

e. Detail – Elaboration on major steps.

STEP UNO: SPREAD THE WORD!

I’m seeing Mary Poppins this Saturday. Okay, this is kind of a joke. But, any chance I get to go and sit in a dark theatre is an accomplishment. I love it. My husband bought us tickets to A Streetcar Named Desire with Cate Blanchett this past year. Just exquisite. So, clearly my interest in the arts is starting to leak out a little, and even my husband is getting in on it! This is tip 1 – SPREAD THE WORD. Out yourself, and tell friends you’re trying to get back into “x” and so to let you know about any “x” events. You’ll be surprised at the response!

Evaluation 1-5 on effectiveness of “spreading the word” strategy: 4. I need to let my husband know, again, about my interest in this and invite some friends to my National Dance Day activity.

STEP DOS:  PICK ONE THING!

So You Think You Can Dance is my “one thing.” I have started small here people. But, in kicking it up a notch I plan to get involved with National Dance Day. Stay tuned for my next post on Finding Your Passion/Getting Your Groove Back to see what I’m doing – and HOW I’m going to do it. If you want to do it too, great! Join in! It will be celebrating dance and the arts, and roping in the Hot Mommas Project. You’ll see how! Okay, here’s one more exclamation point! Rah! Rah Rah!

Evaluation of “pick one thing” step: 5. I really like the focus of this, versus feeling like I have to get back into jewelry or performance-level dancing right away. I like the re-invention of my interest in dance through the National Dance Day activity. And, frankly, if I tried to seriously get back into dancing at this point I’d probably wind up in traction.

IN CONCLUSION: Take action before a snicker, turns into a sniffle, turns into the Ugly Cry.

There are many reasons: Kids, work, “we’re busy,” “I have no life” snicker snicker. But, the snickers are beginning to turn into a sniffle sniffle. For some of us, the sniffle may have already turned into the “Ugly Cry” (cc: Oprah),  At times like this, the reasons stop mattering. We realize they sound so great and rational as they come out of our mouths. But then, at night, during those quiet times, where we just MISS ourselves…the words and reasons matter less. It becomes a need. It’s almost physical in nature. It’s at precisely this moment that we see and feel the truth: We need to do something, to reintroduce ourselves…to ourselves.

As my son says,

“Mommy, you’re a good finder.”

I hope this helps you find the parts of yourselves you’d like to bring back for a little (or big) encore. And, for that matter, I hope it helps me.

Related posts:

• My piece for Maria Shriver Women’s Conference site: How Hot Mommas Project Canadian Country Manager Lydia Fernandes got her groove back.

• July 31 National Dance Day via Dizzy Feet

• Finding Your Passion – Exercise for my Women’s Business Leadership class.

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