Think about your grandmother, your mom, or another wise figure in your life. Did she seem to have an other-worldly and/or wise quality? Why were you drawn to this person? Perhaps you felt supported and anchored by the wisdom they seemed to impart. The special wisdom we gain from the wise women in our lives has been beautifully captured by Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen in her book Crones Don’t Whine: Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women. It starts off as follows:
To be a crone, you need to let go of what should have been, could have been, might have been. You need to silence the whining in your head that will come out of your mouth next. Whining makes you unable to live in the present, or be good company for anyone – even yourself. Whiners assume they were and are entitled to a different life from the one they have. Whiners do not see that everyone has had a share of the bad things that happen to people. Ungrateful for what they do have, whiners cannot enjoy the present.
P.s. Dr. Bolen defines crone as “an older woman with zest, passions, and soul.” The book has testimonials from Alice Walker, Olympia Dukakis, and Gloria Steinem.
Here are the 13 qualities to cultivate from Crones Don’t Whine.
1. Crones don’t whine. (See “whining” above).
2. Crones are juicy. (See zest, passions, above).
3. Crones have green thumbs. This means crones nurture growth.
4. Crones trust what they know in their bones. Don’t even need to explain this one.
5. Crones meditate in their own fashion. A cup of tea or another quiet moment in daily life.
6. Crones are fierce about what matters to them. Through empathy, women grow more radical as they age.
7. Crones choose the path with heart. Lear from experience and apply past lessons to present choices.
8. Crones speak the truth with compassion. Being truthful and compassionate, instead of superficial.
9. Crones listen to their bodies. Fulfilling both body and psyche brings about a sense of well-being.
10. Crones improvise. There are various incarnations of yourself over time.
11. Crones don’t grovel. “I don’t grovel for approval anymore.”
12. Crones laugh together. No pecking order, just friends and laughter.
13. Crones savor the good in their lives. Not soured by the personal share of suffering. Happy to be alive.
Life experiences give you wisdom, which is the premise of Dr. Bolen’s book. What aspects of this wise behavior can we incorporate in our daily lives now, today?
Exercise:
Choose one item, and make a commitment to implement it during the week. Examples:
#3. Crones have green thumbs. Nurture growth in someone. Call a friend, co-worker, or relative and ask them, “How it’s going?” Take the conversation a step further by asking them about their current or future “big goal” and what you can do to support them. You’ll change a life. Tell your story at the HotMommasProject.org, and mentor thousands. Nominate yourself, or another dynamic woman 18 or older, here.
#11. Crones don’t grovel for approval. During the week, make a mental note of situations where you feel you’re groveling for approval and stop yourself. Take a different approach. Do you really care if this person approves of you? Can you approach the relationship from a more powerful and mature perspective versus a “groveling” tone? Being aware is the first step.
#12. Crones laugh together. Plan a get-together of female friends with whom you can have some great laughs.
To be a crone, you need to let go of what should have been, could have been, might have been. You need to silence the whining in your head that will come out of your mouth next. Whining makes you unable to live in the present, or be good company for anyone – even yourself. Whiners assume they were and are entitled to a different life from the one they have. Whiners do not see that everyone has had a share of the bad things that happen to people. Ungrateful for what they do have, whiners cannot enjoy the present.
Exercise: