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#2 Power Plays for Women: BALANCE

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Monty Python and the Holy Grail

By Kathy Korman Frey, this is part of the Power Plays series

For many women, “balance” seems like the Holy Grail. And, no, not the funny type like in Monty Python.

Why do we fight so hard for balance? Well, first of all, women who are balanced have higher perceptions of success (Source: Hot Mommas Project national survey).  This post is going to share some of those  “master balancer”  secrets with you.

It’s Not You, It’s Them: Facts about Balance

First, let’s arm you with some facts.

  • #1. Family policies in the US stink. We’re known globally for stinky family policies among developed countries. We have the Family Medical Leave Act, and that’s about it.
  • #2. Women are more educated. In addition to occupying half the work force, women receive about 60% or so of the masters degrees in this country. We now also earn the majority of PhDs too.
  • #3.  Women bear 2/3 of caregiving responsibilities. This is a pretty conservative number, and it is probably more like ¾. But, whether it’s for an older relative or child, women still do the majority of it.

So, we’re running out of room here on our day planners. Right? At least until cloning is perfected.  So what’s the solution?

Solutions Run-Down

Stop the cycle. What do master balancers have that we don’t? First, they have halted a vicious cycle. We must recognize the toxic ramifications of the battle for balance. When we feel out of control, we don’t progress with our goals and priorities.  Here’s the cycle: Loss of control, followed by lack of progress, followed by loss of self-confidence.

Take back power. But, how? How do we stop the cycle? Master balancers have  something very special: Perspective. We must take back power that “balance” has over us.  Department of Commerce Deputy Secretary and former Disney Executive Dennis Hightower said the following in the General Management class he taught at Harvard Business School:

“A great manager must be able to make decisions with between 40 and 70 percent information.”

The sure-fire loser’s strategy. Going for perfection – the 100 percent – is the loser’s strategy. Paralyzed by the need for more information, the “100-percenter”  can’t make the call, stand behind it, and move forward. It’s quicksand. After speaking with, teaching, and researching thousands of women of all ages I see the quicksand pattern surfacing among women striving to balance. We’re going for perfection, versus the 40 to 70 percent. It’s a losing battle.

Reality Check Questions

Master balancers have an incredible ability to prioritize. They prioritize based on their OWN values and definition of success, NOT someone else’s.  Here are some test questions we can ask in our daily lives to sharpen the pencil when it comes to looking at and valuing our time, and ourselves:

Self-Exploration Questions

  1. Can I adopt Hightower’s 40 to 70% rule? Why or why not?
  2. Am I going for “perfection”? What is the impact on me, my inner circle, others? Is it worth it?
  3. Am I living by my own definition of success, or some other definition?
  4. Am I clear on my priorities? (Trigger question: Has my “flexibility” devolved into  “aimlessness / lack of goals”?)
  5. If I had no restrictions, my dream professionally would be ___________. My dream personally would be ___________.
  6. Who are two people I know who seem balanced and happy?  Would I reach out to them to discuss their perspectives and strategies? Why or why not?

Daily Questions (when considering tasks)

  1. What top three things do I need to be focusing on right now? Is this one of those things?
  2. What are the ramifications if I perform this task? What are the ramifications if I do not? Is doing nothing an option?
  3. Will I feel proud of myself if I complete this task?
  4. What are my “guilty pleasures” or quick-win “busy work” tasks which are not the most productive, but are fun for me?  Can I schedule a time at the end of each day for these tasks and limit myself to that time?

What are your thoughts on balance? If this post has inspired or helped you, please be so kind as to leave a comment.

*****

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18 thoughts on “#2 Power Plays for Women: BALANCE”

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Top 10 Power Plays for Women #2: BALANCE « Hot Mommas® (blog) -- Topsy.com

  2. Great post! Thanks for sharing. Balance is indeed the “holy grail” to women (my book Breakdown Breakthrough has a whole chapter dedicated to it)! In working with hundreds of women who are exhausted with what’s on their plates and feel they are letting down everything and everyone who matters to them right now, I believe we have to change our definition of balance in order to attain it. Balance is not walking around all day in a peaceful, meditative state, getting done every little thing we want to. It’s figuring out what matters most to you in life and work, and letting go of what doesn’t, releasing your need for perfectionism and over-functioning in the process. Sure, let’s strive for the “A” in areas that mean the world to us. In those areas that don’t represent your top values, needs, and visions, settle for a “B’ (or better yet, less)! Thanks for some great insights.

    1. Exactly. Continuing your school analogy…We can’t get an A in engineering, business, political science, and anthropology. But, that’s what we’re trying to do. Let’s simplify a little. If you were going in the hospital, what would REALLY matter, what would you hand off? An extreme perspective like this sometimes helps people. I used it with a client at the FDA, because she WAS going to be in the hospital having a baby!

  3. Kathy …relishing your line of questioning and the precision it evokes when answering them. How lack of clarity impacts production and the resulting dip in esteem really(!) resonated. Whew self awareness is useful and sometimes the toughest game in town I find.

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  5. Kathy,
    Thanks for sharing part of that holy grail, I indeed agree but also want to add that balance in a womans like also needs to encompass physical, mental and spiritual. We need to let go of the guilt that goes along with including self care into our balance, we need to giver ourselves permission and schedule exercise and meditation or whatever spiritual practice fills ones soul. Yes, a balanced life is not perfect and it damn sure includes reclaiming ones power!

    1. Great perspective Joanne and I was hoping someone would mention that as their “definition of success.” Master balancers decide “this is success…for ME.” I, personally, agree and operate in a similar way. Women are famous for not taking care of themselves.

  6. I LOVE THIS!!! Definitely resonates, especially as I sometimes feel like if everything is on track at home, work is stalled in the water, and vice versa- thanks for the reminder that there can be some fluidity, balanced with accountability to myself and my goals. MWAH!!!

    1. Rock and Roll Mama – you rock! Yes, there is the little OCD person in us all. Wanting things to be perfect, to-do list completed, and angels singing in the background as our perfectly organized closet smiles back at us. Part of the growth is definitely focusing less on perfection. You ever wonder why men can seemingly “tune out” things? Yes, we complain about it – like the seat being left up, etc. But, there is a learning here: It’s not important. Training our brains to shrug their shoulders can an accomplishment. Thanks for your comment.

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  9. To start, I gotta say. I’m enjoying reading all the posts. They are clever and totally helpfull. Doesn’t matter how old you are, your job, life style, etc. You always feel like a part of a big group, you feel like you fit in. Now that’s it is off my sistem, let’s talk about the post.
    I felt understood and inspired at the same time. Finding ballance this days has been a big issue specially for woman. We tend to try to solve all the problems in the world at the same time and still be a mom, wife, hard work person, friend and to work on our personal image. It’s not easy! In my time in the US I’ve seen and also learned from the host moms I had how much you can do with your hours in a day. They would wake up at 5 a.m. just to go to the gym. One of them I used to call her supermom.
    But how to keep life ballanced? I belive that everything that comes in excess it’s not healthy, either is work, exercises, fun, exigences, stress, anything. Having all might not be so hard comapred to being able to ballance and manage everything.
    I belive taking one thing at the time, giving the deserved attention to it is crucial. It can take you closer to a ballanced life.
    For me, the feeling of being ballanced is very important, it’s when I feel in peace with myself. I can accept that life or the human being are not perfect, but I’m doing everything I can to achieve my expetations.

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